Today i am depressed

Today I am depressed ....

Depression isn't always crying your mascara off in the shower and listening to sad songs in bed. Sometimes its not wanting to talk to anyone for days and other times its desperately needing to be around people. Sometimes depression is having no apatite even though you haven't eaten since yesterday or sometimes eating everything you have in the fridge. Depression isn't your boyfriend cuddling you and telling you that its going to be okay. Its sitting across the table, not eating, having him ask you twenty times what's wrong and knowing that your ruining his night because you cant seem to snap out of it and just be happy. Its the frustrating feeling of desperately wanting to enjoy something and just be normal for once. Its keeping things a secret from the people you love because you don want them to look at you like you are broken and you don't want them to worry. Depression isn't beautiful black and white images. depression is lonely and frustrating and mostly exhausting.

You know that feeling? When your just waiting. Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed and just let out everything that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong but nothing is right either and you are tired. Tired of everything, tired of nothing. You just want someone to tell you that its okay, but no one is there. You know that you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you. Your tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. For once you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you wont be .

That's how I'm feeling today ...